you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
