then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
