She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
