her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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