I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you had me at cake vodka
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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