Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
