trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
