I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I believe in your delicious
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
