i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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