well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
