i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
