I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
