Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's always time for handjobs
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
