Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize