It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
