So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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