i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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