i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
