i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
