Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
