I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize