If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
