First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
