Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
