I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
