dude i'm inner monologue high
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
