you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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