i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
