a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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