Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
