Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
