I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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