? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
