She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize