Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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