How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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