I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize