i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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