are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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