Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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