scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
