sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
