im six kinds of drunk right now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
