He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
