I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
