Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
