His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
