Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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