Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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