It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
