That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
