ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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