i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
