Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
