I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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