Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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