I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
