so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
