So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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