quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
