Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
