Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize