i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
