wakey wakey hands off snakey
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
