since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
