You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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