Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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