I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
