Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
