what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
