Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
