All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
