After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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