No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
