I hate your face
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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