Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
