Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
