What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
