Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize